03 Nov 2004 Why Putin Supported Bush
A very amusing article in the Moscow News explains why Vladimir Putin supported Bush’s re-election:
First, Mr. Putin is a white male, which makes him a Bush voter with a probability of 61 percent.
Second, the Putin family’s financial situation clearly improved over the last four years. 79 percent of voters who share this view regarding their own families vote for Bush.
Third, Putin’s annual income clearly exceeds $50,000, and 55 percent of people in this income group are supporting Bush.
Fourth, neither Putin nor his wife, his pet dog or his daughters belong to any sort of union, which makes Putin’s household likely to support Bush in 55 percent of cases.
Fifth, Putin is employed full-time, and Bush enjoys the support of 52 percent of full time workers.
Sixth, Putin is neither liberal, nor moderate. His reverence to both Soviet and Orthodox Christianity legacies makes him a clear conservative, and 83 percent of all American conservatives vote Bush.
Seventh, Putin is married with children, and 56 percent of voters in this bracket vote Bush.
Eighth, Putin is the acting head of the entire Russian military, and 57 percent of uniformed voters and vets support Bush.
Ninth, Putin isn’t gay, nor is he a lesbian or a bisexual. Which means a 52 percent probability of voting for Dubya.
Finally, we’ve seen and heard Putin preoccupied with the terror problem lately, and 86 percent of those that see terrorism as the most important issue supported George W. Bush in his reelection bid Tuesday.