06 Mar 2012 Occupy Occupy D.C. to Promote Electric Car Through Hypnotic Suggestion
After Altruism and Tax Bribes Fail, Desperate Measures Called Upon to Advance Obama Green Agenda
Washington, D.C. – Because ad campaigns, presidential cheerleading and lavish tax breaks failed to generate the public support necessary to keep the Chevy Volt assembly line running, the National Center for Public Policy Research is pitching in by employing a cut-rate, self-taught hypnotist to compel people to buy the Obama Administration’s favorite electric car.
Klepto the Mediocre, a self-taught hypnotist, will appear in Washington, D.C.’s Freedom Plaza (13th and Pennsylvania Avenue NW) at noontime on Tuesday, March 6 as part of the National Center for Public Policy Research’s “Occupy Occupy D.C.” series of events.
“I’m usually detailed to the Transportation Security Administration, where I try to convince people that excessive pat-downs of the elderly is an effective way to fight terrorism,” said Klepto, “Selling the Occupy hippies on electric cars should be like shooting fish in a barrel, but I expect problems. They don’t seem to have steady incomes, and being green takes a lot of green if you know what I mean.”
Convincing Americans to jump on the Obama Administration’s electric car bandwagon has been a futile pursuit, made even more difficult after last week’s announcement that General Motors is halting its assembly line for the Chevy Volt for five weeks and laying off approximately 1,300 employees.
The $40,000 electric car, which gets around 35 miles travel per charge before needing to rely on a back-up gasoline-based drive system, is plagued by low sales (less than 8,000 sold in 2011) and safety issues. The Obama Administration has sought to sweeten the deal on sales with a $7,500 subsidy that Obama’s 2013 budget seeks to raise to $10,000. Nonetheless, the assembly line shutdown was described by General Motors as a means of “maintain[ing] proper inventory.”
“Klepto’s got his work cut out for him,” said David Almasi, executive director of the National Center for Public Policy Research and director of the National Center’s “Occupy Occupy D.C.” project. “Klepto will have his bag of tricks with him, but he will need some very strong magic to convince people that they need an electric car. For now, they are a toy for the rich. A Volt would be great for Leonardo DiCaprio to drive to a big movie premiere, but I can’t really commute daily with one even though I live close to D.C. These aren’t family cars, and you are subject to a lengthy recharge. Perhaps Klepto needs a time machine that can transport people to an era in which the technology has caught up with Obama’s green pipe dreams.”
The National Center has obtained a five-week permit for Freedom Plaza to share Freedom Plaza with left-wing “Occupy D.C.” protesters. Since February 13, it has sponsored noontime events every weekday.
The National Center for Public Policy Research, founded in 1982, is a non-partisan, free-market, independent conservative think-tank with over 100,000 recent supporters. Contributions to it are tax-deductible and greatly appreciated.